Teach Me How to Mommy

I'm usually pretty good at remembering things, but in the year years since becoming a mom, the list of things I need to remember has become insanely overwhelming.  There are days when it's 7 pm, I'm standing at the sink washing dishes and I space out -- brain dead from the number of things I've mentally remembered over the past 20 hours (not 24 because I do need to sleep!).   -------- I've read countless articles over the past 4 years about "The List".   You know the one I'm talking about: The mental list that you rehearse in your head at night, the last thing you think about before you fall asleep, the list you think about first thing in the morning before you even mentally prepare yourself to put your feet on the floor, the same list that you check items off of throughout the day (mine has little squares that I put mental check marks in... it makes me abnormally happy to do that).   This list... men just don't understand it.   ...

If you were to stop by my house (unexpectedly) anywhere between 7am-3pm you would think I have things mildly under control.  You may hear a crying baby, there may be a splatter of matchbox cars on the living room floor and you'll definitely hear Kidzbop playing throughout the house, but you won't see a (terribly) frazzled mom, sad children or filth. But if you were to stop by my house (unexpectedly) between 4-6pm you would likely see huge messes, dirty plates, a hungry, screaming baby and two toddlers who have forgotten their manners.  Many people have told me it's the witching hour.  Yes, yes, I see it now. It's the hour I suddenly have to prep a meal that represents all the food groups, while also simultaneously breastfeeding and dealing with toddlers who are beginning to unravel. So please, maybe don't come over - or, rather if you do, please come at 7 am.  I'm as fresh as a daisy then. So to the poor guy who mistakenly knocked on my door at 4:45 and wa...

And by that mom I mean me.  Want to know a quick way to tarnish a perfectly magical morning? It's a Monday in October and my school district called a snow day.  Well, it wasn't really a snow day but a loss of power day.  With the exception of freak ice storms, October days off are few and far between.  Even better?  My kids had a two hour delay.  So we got to enjoy a lazy morning off filled with a Halloween show, Halloween crafts and a few heated games of Hungry, Hungry Hippo.  Then, just when they needed something new to keep them occupied it was time to head off to school where they would learn, socialize, play and enjoy pre-k, while I shopped, cleaned and ate while listening to naughty podcasts - out loud! So see gifts like this come but once a year (twice maybe).  I was feeling high on life until I brought my son to his room and saw the other mothers coming in with huge bags of "stuff." Shit. What did I miss? Then I saw their kids all d...

I took the kids to a different splash pad last week and within ten minutes of splashing I observed two moms completely losing their shit. Both kids seemed to have pushed their moms' last buttons.  One for failure to apologize, the other for constant near escapes.  Both valid concerns, I too have felt my blood boil for those very reasons. I couldn't help but wonder though, had it been June, if those same moms would have been screeching, "I am so done with this kid" or "I've told you a thousand times and you NEVER listen."  Even if I think those things, I never say them out loud - I'd be too nervous of the judgement that accompanied it.  But these moms - there were no inhibitions - they were at their breaking point. I think, more likely, it's Mid-August Syndrome .  Moms, Dads, caregivers and more have spent the summers entertaining and stimulating their kids.  We've packed and unpacked for the beach, traveled to museums, spent countless, ho...

Just when you think you've got it all together.... Your son comes to tell you that there is poop on the floor.  So even though he's been potty trained for a nearly a year and ASKS for privacy when he goes, there are still mishaps.  Like, well this: He was such an easy kid to potty train...a few skittles here, a few there and BAM, bye bye diapers.  Yet, he has his quirks.  For instance, I am not sure why his own private potty ended up getting flipped over, but I do know that he was in there building a fortress with toilet paper.  It's what he does - I don't know, I tend to think it's creative and not destructive. I think my mistake was loading up the shelf with fresh new rolls (I did that at 7am).  It was all just too exciting for him. And so even though this was the first day in history that both children slept until 8am allowing me to deep clean the bathroom (again at 7am) I was right back at it at 11am. Please remind me of this as I have a ...

I found out I was pregnant on a Sunday afternoon in May.  Instead of screaming from the rooftops that I was carrying my third child I kept it to myself.  It took two weeks to even tell my husband,  here's why: 1. Having your first is so exciting, having your second is expected - the third?  Who has three kids these days? 2.  Is it ever the right time?  I was nervous my husband wouldn't think so... 3.  I didn't want to overshadow other pregnancies (specifically my brother and sister in-law who will be having their FIRST baby two weeks before us - wooo-hooo)! 4.  I had a co-worker tell me (while I was pregnant, but he didn't know) that the world was not set up for families of five (cars, restaurants, vacations, college tuition).  He has a point, woops! 5.  By saying it out loud I often admit (through nervous laughter, strange sentences and awkward eye movement) that I am so, so nervous about this one. Yet, I know by putting it here...

The first weekend of December is officially in the books.  My kids were in bed at 7:15 and Jerry and I are too exhausted to do much, well, much of anything. Over this weekend my kids met Santa twice and will see him twice more this week.  Before you judge me and think that the season has gotten just that much out of control, hear me out... It's a lot of work to organize some of these things (Polar Express and Fire Truck Santa), but some just fall into our laps.  We went to a pasta dinner at my school this week where Santa showed up.  Score.  This upcoming weekend my mother in-law actually has a Santa come down a chimney for her grandkids (and nieces and nephews).  Pure magic. Yes, it's likely that my kids won't remember this particular year of Santa activities, but I am sure you can agree that passing on them is silly. And so although it is unlikely I'll survive this holiday season completely unscathed, I am choosing to move forward.  I wil...

Determined to make this week still feel like summer, I tried extra hard to make my afternoons with the kids really fun.  Whether it was going swimming or going to a welcome back to school bash, every afternoon I had something planned to help ease the pain of our new schedule.  I exhausted myself (and them too) but I think they caught on to the sentiment - mommy isn't going to be here every hour, but she will be here when it counts.  Well, at least I hope that's how they feel. So, what happens when you plan an evening adventure to an outdoor eating venue and it's closed (until April)? You end up watching your son pour out a salt shaker while you order Wendy's for them on a random Tuesday night.  I don't do fast-food so this was a big deal, but the kids were hungry and it was getting late.  Surprise, surprise they ate well.   Also, not that I should have one but the frosty I had was out-of-this-world! I wrote last week about how going...

My temporary-stay-at-home mom status this summer has been an adventure.  We are currently doing the beach life thing and it is equal parts amazing and tiring.  No complaints here, but I am allowed to yawn right?  Anyways, before we left I got to thinking that much of my identity is tied to the fact that I live with, care for and am attached to two toddlers 24/7.  In case anyone didn't know, I've compiled a list of tell-tale signs. 1.  If you get peed on you just keep going.  This weekend we went to Lake Compounce and while waiting in line for the merry-go-round John peed on me.  Yes, he was wearing a diaper - No I have no clue why it came out more like a flood and less like a stream.  I didn't bring a change of clothes (for me) and they still wanted to go on rides.  What's a mom to do?  Shut up, air dry and keep on trucking. (Sidenote - I didn't even end up showering until 10 that night, oh well). 2. My phone tells me every night my...

Today I had just enough time to watch a grocery cart swiftly crash into my car.  Technically I had more than enough time to stop it.  In fact, it was kind of walking parallel to me, but then picked up speed and SMASH. The reason I couldn't stop it (even though it was bright green and headed for my shiny black car) was because I was holding 5 bags of groceries and two little people's hands. I went to the local grocery market so that the kids could both get their little carts and make a quick stop fun.  Ok fine, quick stops don't happen anymore, but they did have fun. I didn't want them bringing the carts in the parking lot, because that would be a disaster (both managed to tip them over in the store a total of three times). So I thought I could grab it all.  I didn't anticipate Lucy wanting to hold my left hand.  It was a really big deal to have the left hand - you know that one I had carefully balanced all the groceries on so I was frazzled when we walked ...

Just this week we have had lot of visitors.  Some visitors were scheduled (Nana and Uncle Justin) and others were surprises - neighbors and friends. In general I am not the biggest fan of surprise visits.  I am a planner (teacher much?) and so when I am caught off guard I am not at my best.  I got worse when I had kids.  If a visitor came when they were napping I nearly had steam coming out of my ears.  Yet, having kids also forces you to become flexible, so I often sometimes go with the flow. The visitors this week have brought such joy to my home.  A visit by Uncle Justin made John into a temporary cuddle monster.  He doesn't readily go to other people that aren't, well, me.  Yet when Justin drove up in his BIG diesel truck he was a puddle of hugs.  Justin's visit is another story altogether - I'll share when I am ready to embarrass myself (which also may be NEVER) . Unfortunately, every time someone came over my house this week my ho...

I was pleasantly surprised that my husband had the day off this year and I had planned for it to be the best "good" Friday it could be.  This involved a run to the toy store, visiting with Nana's brand-new puppy, outside play and of course Easter egg dying.  (You can get all of this done in one day - plus more- if your son refuses to nap). As opposed to doing it the standard, traditional, without-a-doubt successful way (you know buying a package from Walgreens and dropping the eggs in a cup) I decided to do it the Pinterest way (the trendy, fun and sure-to-fail way). We did cool-whip egg dying.  I thought it would be fun and cleaner (I literally have no idea why I thought this - 100 wipes later...).  The process was so fun.  It was one of the few crafts that I have done where both kids have held an equal interest.  John and Lou are so different that keeping them focused on the same activity has been a challenge.  Turns out cool-whip makes anyone ha...

Whew!  What a busy weekend! This is as centered as Colin gets... scribbling on the waiver forms.... And yes... that is a Nirvana shirt...  because he's cooler than I am, and that's what rock stars wear! Colleen and I kicked off our Saturday morning with a little Mommy & Me Yoga session!  Our recent guest poster Kelly (you can read her post  here , and check out her blog  here ) invited us to her one day only CT class!  Colleen and I both though, yesss!  Babies and Yoga, what could go wrong..... oh wait.. we don't have babies...  so instead we brought our Toddlers. The other mommies and their gorgeous babies looked ethereal, centered, calm..... They were bonding, Kelly was effortlessly guiding them, and they were all graceful enough to laugh with us (we think) at the crazy kids we brought along.  The other mothers had babies under 5 months old... when they get bigger they will fondly refer to those months as...

Both kids aren't feeling that great so the fun plans I had scheduled for weeks were dashed.  I'm on vacation, so I should've known that someone would be sick and we would be hunkered down for days. Anyways, thought that they were up to going to Barnes and Noble to get a book for vacation.  Forty dollars later, it was a good decision. Even though I waited around in the morning for potty time and breakfast, of course as soon as we walk in John had to go number 2.  No problem...I brought my backpack and I was all set to clean up and get back to running around the store and touching every stuffed animal possible before picking a book. The bathroom was gross.  Public restrooms are always a crapshoot.  For instance, I had to take Lucy to the bathroom and Stop and Shop once and it was like walking into the Four Seasons. Seriously...even the painting on the wall was that of an Italian coliseum.  Yet, Barnes and Noble - ugh, gross, dirty, smelly..nightmare. ...

Amy's post reminded me that I have a book that I purchased in preparation for a long, cold winter.  Knock on wood we have been lucky.  The kids and I were outside throughout much of December and only now (Februaryish) do we actually have snow on the ground.  I will take this weather any day.  Flashbacks of last year make me shudder. Anyways, I bought this book "The Toddler's Busy Book."  I breezed through it when I didn't quite need it (fall) and then I forgot about it.  It's hard to remember all those good things you do.  Like when I went on a rampage hiding Christmas toys for days in hopes of retrieving them on days that the kids got bored.  I still can't freaking find them all.  When I was pregnant I definitely walked around with my brain not connected to my body.  I thought it was hormonal.  I do similar things now but can't blame it biology..now it's just "mom brain." I just looked through it again and I am bit relieved b...

Transitions  11/2014 - the last day of my maternity leave. I’m probably the WORST person to talk about transition.  I’m terrible at it.  It’s not even that I “hate change”  I’m just terrible at life during a time of change. I have always felt like I am cut from a different cloth than many of the people around me.  I honestly don’t even know how to explain what that means… or I didn’t until I had Colin.  I was VERY nervous to give birth.  I was terrified of the pain (horrifying, and NO you don’t “forget” the pain after you see the baby).  I was terrified of having a c-section (worst fear realized… because that’s exactly what I had), and I was terrified of post-partum (check again.. but that’s a WHOLE other post).  Colin changed everything about how I saw the world, but it took me a very long time for me to realize that he made me a better version of myself.   I read a LOT of mommy blogs, and forums, and books, and saw tv sh...

Five Things I NEVER Thought I'd Say.... until I became a Mom. Five Things I Never Thought I'd Say... Five Things I NEVER Thought I'd Say....  until I became a Mom. 5.  Let me taste one of those cheerios  to see if they're stale. This is clearly in reference to the large amount of cheerios in and around my son's car seat. He likes them to be in his cup holder, and so that's where I stash them. Today, for some reason, he got great joy in shoving Cheerio's in my mouth as I was buckling him in.  Cheerios   is making a killing from our household! I buy at least two boxes a week. I think at least one ends up in the backseat of my car! :) 4.  How did you get a dinosaur in your diaper? I admit we were playing with our mini dinosaurs for multiple seconds today before we moved on to a new activity..(taking all of the books off the bookshelf.. the same books that we just put ON the bookshelf)... And so in the 35 seconds we were playing with ...

When your mom tries too hard to make fall, fun memories.  Maybe next year Lou. #momfail