Transitions -- Amy Style

Transitions

 11/2014 - the last day of my maternity leave.

I’m probably the WORST person to talk about transition.  I’m terrible at it.  It’s not even that I “hate change”  I’m just terrible at life during a time of change.

I have always felt like I am cut from a different cloth than many of the people around me.  I honestly don’t even know how to explain what that means… or I didn’t until I had Colin.  I was VERY nervous to give birth.  I was terrified of the pain (horrifying, and NO you don’t “forget” the pain after you see the baby).  I was terrified of having a c-section (worst fear realized… because that’s exactly what I had), and I was terrified of post-partum (check again.. but that’s a WHOLE other post).  Colin changed everything about how I saw the world, but it took me a very long time for me to realize that he made me a better version of myself.  

I read a LOT of mommy blogs, and forums, and books, and saw tv shows, and movies, and heard songs, and read poems, all talking about the dreaded “end of maternity leave”.  My comrades in arms dreaded that moment.   I quite frankly was looking forward to it.  I was nervous, yes.  Colin was finicky with bottles, pooped up his back every time, and slept horribly…all things that daycare workers dread… but I KNEW that I had to work. NO... not “had” to work.. that sounds like I am being forced.  I just needed to “Adult”.  You have to understand… I thrive at work.  I physically need it to survive and now that I’ve been back at work -- as a Mommy -- I know that it makes me a better Mom and a better Teacher.  

So when we talk about transitions.. it’s hard.. because transitioning back to work is miserable no matter how you feel about it.. I feel bad that I don’t feel how society thinks I should feel, it makes me feel like a bad Mom.  But for me, for my friends, for the women whose blogs I stalk… I still cried.. it was still hard… I was still exhausted, I still had to figure out how to pump at work, I still had to keep an extra set of clothes with me at all times in case I didn’t notice the spit up on my shirt, or if I didn’t get pumping coverage and I leaked, I still had to rush home from work to get Colin, I still had to wake up 5 times a night (because Colin NEVER sleeps ((STILL)), I still had to decide if I should eat breakfast or take a shower.

So needless to say, I’m terrible at transitions,  I still did ALL of the things that I thought that I wouldn’t do… and I survived.