Guest Post - Transitions

First Guest Post EVER!  From Laura Siligato

Motherhood feels like a constant series of transitions.  You really never know what to expect day to day.  I have often found myself thinking, “ok, we are in a routine” only to find the next day my daughter begins some new stage and the “routine” I thought we found is gone.  If you aren’t working on nap time or bedtime transitions, you are getting off the bottle, or the paci, or working on skills like using a spoon, bathing, or tying their own shoes.  Moms with older kids- does this ever end?!?!

Although it can be frustrating to always feel like things are changing and you can’t keep up with your kid, when they finally learn that new skill, or are out of the naptime transition, isn’t is awesome?  You know, that one day when things are great and your kid is just super sweet and you feel like mom of the year.  That ONE day is awesome!  I live for that day before the next transition starts.  

 As a new mom I have been dealing with these daily transitions, but I have also recently been facing many massive transitions.

Let me give you the quick version of my family.  My husband Steve and I moved to Tokyo, Japan in 2012.  We lived there for 3 years and returned in June.  I had my daughter Quinn in Japan.  Yikes!!!!  She is now 14 months old and the coolest little girl ever, if I do say so myself.

I was so lucky to have had these past 14 months off with her.   I didn’t have a work visa in Japan, so I got to be a SAHM.  And since we moved back, I have been in charge of house hunting and finding us a place to live, setting up home, finding a pediatrician, daycare, babysitters, and of course all the day to day.  Now I have been interviewing for jobs and have accepted a part time job, while still looking for another part time job to round things out.   

Needless to say, we have been dealing with A LOT of transitions these past few months.   Somehow we managed to muddle our way through.  In all honestly, I really believe that the fact that we were co-sleepers/bed sharers until recently helped my daughter feel secure in all the moves, changes, and uprooting we put her through.  Anyways, for the longest time, I identified myself primarily by my work.  I love my work (I’m a clinical social worker, focusing on trauma treatment with kids).  I’m really good at my work.   It is a huge part of me. I even had to grieve the loss of it a little bit when we moved to Tokyo and I could no longer actively practice.
But now that I’m a mom, I’ve become someone new.  I’ve gone through a huge personal transition myself, in how I define who I am and how I live my life.  I am Quinn’s mom.  It is by far the best part of me.  I am so proud to wear that mom badge of honor. And I’m so thankful I get to do it.  But now I’m facing the huge struggle of going back to work and splitting myself.  I never really thought it would be this hard.  I know deep down that is a good thing for me and my daughter.  I want her to see me as someone who works hard, makes a difference in others’ lives, and is passionate about what I do.  I want her to see that part of me that I used to love and value so much.  I still do, but it’s different now.  I’m worried I can’t give my work my all and I’m worried I won’t be able to give my daughter my all.  I know I really need to just shut up and be grateful for all the time I’ve had to stay at home with my daughter.  I know I have had so much more time than most.  I wonder if it makes it harder.  Or maybe it is easier for me.   It is not necessary to compare.  I know leaving our babies after any amount of time is excruciating for all moms.  

So even though I've survived all of these transitions, my daily freakouts about work have taken a toll.
Any words of wisdom from the working moms out there?