Teach Me How to Mommy

Amy is the first person I talk to when my husband is really on my nerves.  She keeps it real (although almost always agrees with me).  I return the favor.  We are keeping each other happily married. For the record there isn't much to complain about, but I feel (or hope) that everyone needs an outside person to bitch to about their significant other.  I mean, I know Jerry doesn't want to hear all my gripes, so why not Amy? Yet, then he goes and does something like this... Lucy just turned five (cue tears), which means the world of recreational sports is at her finger tips.  In our town she can play softball.  We thought it would be fun and she was open to it, so down we went on registration day and signed our little girl up for "Softies." As is the case with most towns my husband was approached to volunteer.  His immediate reaction was yes, even though he has a stressful job and a new baby.  I was so proud. Yet, the kicker?  A wee...

I wrote the below post on September 23, 2015.  I wrote it, and never read it again. It's embarrassing and feels vapid (Instagram, really Amy??? ughhh)  .... but  It was the first post I ever wrote for the blog, and also one I never intended on sharing.  It's really hard to tell the world, or even your best friend for that matter, that you are struggling.  It's even harder to admit that when you are trying to start a Mommy Blog.  I mean, honestly, truly, how dare I try and start a blog about trying to be a mom when I barely felt like I could get out of bed some days. That first year, and first summer were H.A.R.D.  The anxiety was overwhelming.  You can literally see it in my face in every single picture.... (or at least I can....)  Work was distracting, Pumping/Nursing was a daily (no HOURLY) struggle, and forget seeing my friends.... Once I was home, I was never leaving...  The anxiety of being a Mom (toppled with EVERYTHING ELSE) was...

Today I had just enough time to watch a grocery cart swiftly crash into my car.  Technically I had more than enough time to stop it.  In fact, it was kind of walking parallel to me, but then picked up speed and SMASH. The reason I couldn't stop it (even though it was bright green and headed for my shiny black car) was because I was holding 5 bags of groceries and two little people's hands. I went to the local grocery market so that the kids could both get their little carts and make a quick stop fun.  Ok fine, quick stops don't happen anymore, but they did have fun. I didn't want them bringing the carts in the parking lot, because that would be a disaster (both managed to tip them over in the store a total of three times). So I thought I could grab it all.  I didn't anticipate Lucy wanting to hold my left hand.  It was a really big deal to have the left hand - you know that one I had carefully balanced all the groceries on so I was frazzled when we walked ...

Today, I cried. That's not new.  Anyone who knows me, knows this about me.  If I'm too happy, I'm crying.  If I'm too sad, I'm crying. It was why I cried that threw me for a loop.  I've had a few very happy phone calls over the last month.  With each phone call, I was crying.. Tears of pure joy.  I was crying with my head in the refrigerator (making Colin's lunch), I was crying giving Colin a bath, I was crying at Stop & Shop (in the cheese section).   My people -- the ones I care about the most -- are thriving! So then, when I heard there were new babies on the way, I was ecstatic! I want to impart ALL my wisdom upon these new Momma's.  I want to tell them to start wearing maternity clothes immediately (because boy will they miss them).  I want to tell them to eat ice cream, and carry tums everywhere, and drink coffee if they want to, go to the beach (even if they DON'T want to).  I want to tell them to go to every singl...

Don't mind my face in the picture.    I had just spent over an hour putting Colin's train table back into perfect working order.It doesn't usually bother me when it's played with and out of order.  But for sommmmmme reason, it drove me nuts the other day.  Colin and I were playing... he was Chugga Chugga Choo Chooing away, and I was putting some tracks together for him to play with... and then next thing I know... I  was alone in the front room, Brian and Colin were snuggling and watching Elmo two rooms away, and I was crawling around looking for missing pieces.   I found the pieces, I was trying to put it together without the directions (because I thought I was a ballllller mom), I failed, and used the directions.   An hour later -- order was restored in the world of the train table. and then........ Colin came running in --  Chugga Chugga Choo Choo -- there goes Mommy's hard work.   Thank god I got a pic...

One year ago today my family was hit by a drunk (or high) driver while we were on our way to Christmas Eve festivities.  Lucy was still one and we had a newborn.  It was as traumatizing as one can imagine, but it did not actually result in any injuries or damage.  I reflected on this on my "old" blog and won't take too much time to detail the specifics today.  We were rear-ended not far from our home and even though we got out of the car and talked to the obviously inebriated driver, he ended up fleeing the scene and getting into a much larger accident just half a mile down the road. It was amazing that no one got seriously hurt that night.  It was also a blessing that police were readily available and he was caught and apprehended before he could cause more damage. Since that day I have thought about that night a lot.  It comes in waves.  When I am at the intersection near our house early in the morning I often think about the jolt our car felt. ...

Thursday Thoughts 11/18 A Mighty Woman with a Torch. Not like the brazen giant of Greek fame, With conquering limbs astride from land to land; Here at our sea-washed, sunset gates shall stand A mighty woman with a torch, whose flame Is the imprisoned lightning, and her name Mother of Exiles. From her beacon-hand Glows world-wide welcome; her mild eyes command The air-bridged harbor that twin cities frame. "Keep, ancient lands, your storied pomp!" cries she With silent lips. "Give me your tired, your poor, Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, The wretched refuse of your teeming shore. Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me, I lift my lamp beside the golden door!" The New Colossus By: Emma Lazarus Emma Lazarus wrote the above poem and it is inscribed upon the beautiful Statue of Liberty.  This past week, I have thought about this poem many many times.  In fact, I thought about the Statue of Liberty many times...

Transitions  11/2014 - the last day of my maternity leave. I’m probably the WORST person to talk about transition.  I’m terrible at it.  It’s not even that I “hate change”  I’m just terrible at life during a time of change. I have always felt like I am cut from a different cloth than many of the people around me.  I honestly don’t even know how to explain what that means… or I didn’t until I had Colin.  I was VERY nervous to give birth.  I was terrified of the pain (horrifying, and NO you don’t “forget” the pain after you see the baby).  I was terrified of having a c-section (worst fear realized… because that’s exactly what I had), and I was terrified of post-partum (check again.. but that’s a WHOLE other post).  Colin changed everything about how I saw the world, but it took me a very long time for me to realize that he made me a better version of myself.   I read a LOT of mommy blogs, and forums, and books, and saw tv sh...

Five Things I NEVER Thought I'd Say.... until I became a Mom. Five Things I Never Thought I'd Say... Five Things I NEVER Thought I'd Say....  until I became a Mom. 5.  Let me taste one of those cheerios  to see if they're stale. This is clearly in reference to the large amount of cheerios in and around my son's car seat. He likes them to be in his cup holder, and so that's where I stash them. Today, for some reason, he got great joy in shoving Cheerio's in my mouth as I was buckling him in.  Cheerios   is making a killing from our household! I buy at least two boxes a week. I think at least one ends up in the backseat of my car! :) 4.  How did you get a dinosaur in your diaper? I admit we were playing with our mini dinosaurs for multiple seconds today before we moved on to a new activity..(taking all of the books off the bookshelf.. the same books that we just put ON the bookshelf)... And so in the 35 seconds we were playing with ...

My Two New Best Friends!  Well is certainly has been a whirlwind of a week of the Hayes household. I came down with some sort of deadly disease (or what most people call "kidney stones") and a nasty virus to boot. I have basically been bed ridden since Wednesday (a week now!).  As with most moms I've talked to, our health seems to come second.  The flu?? Won't stop me from getting lunch made... 101 fever.... No worries, dinner will just be a few minutes late.  But kidney stones!!!! Whooooooooooo invented these beasts? I finally got to the point where I had to take myself to the walk-in. They diagnosed me with -- I have no idea what's wrong with you -- and that annoyed me. So they took lots of samples from me, sent me to get a CAT scan and here I am with two new bff's, kidney stone uno & kidney stone dos. Funny thing is, these little buggers are on my left side and my  pain just so happens to be destroying my right side. (Long story short, as of today th...

Type. Erase. Type. Erase. Type. Erase.   Story of my life today.  I have too much floating around in my head to think straight.  I also haven't have more than a few minutes to talk to another adult all week, so anything that I have been wanting to talk about has been pent up!!!  So instead of trying to format a bunch of witty thoughts and organize it into a singular topic, I will create for you a list of the many, many, MANY things that I am currently thinking about.  I mean this is called "Thursday Thoughts" right???   (click "read more" for the rest of "Thursday Thoughts)

  Start:  7:29pm ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Each Thursday I will be writing about some random thought of time!  Maybe it will be a #ThoughtsFromColin, maybe it will be a #ThrowbackThursday, it might be silly, sad, a comment of current events... but Thursdays are my time to sit back and get all these thoughts running through my head OUT! :)  I hope you enjoy.  Feel free to comment, share, or just read.  I appreciate you just taking the time to be here. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Everyone says there's never enough time in the day, and at this exact moment, that couldn't feel more true.  We pack our days full, every minute seems scheduled.  The stress settles on our shoulders... we balance, and maintain, but it feels like with one false move, ever...

 Friendship. Colleen and I have known each other our entire lives. There has been no milestone crossed that doesn't involve a snapshot in my mind of Colleen and I together in that moment.  If you know me, then you know Colleen. It is an easy friendship.  I don't have to pretend with her.  We know the depths of each others souls... There are no judgments, no forced laughs, no tears that haven't already been shed in front of each other.  Happy or Sad. Individually, we each have our own blogs and very organically we realized we should combine our efforts and start writing together.  I wish I could say I remember the moment that this beautiful realization occurred.  Qu i te honestly, it probably happened over the tops of our children's heads while we were chatting about the most recent What What Happens Live, and simultaneously coloring, doing a puzzle, and searching for a baby sock...    Once we had the spark, we talked abo...