Teach Me How to Mommy

  When one of your best girl scout friends gets married to a cowboy fireman in Texas you go .   You take a personal day, you get on a plane at 4 in the morning, you get a couple layovers and you go. You leave your kids at the very beginning of the school year (not to mention your own beginning of the school year activities) and you go. You take your best friend as your date and leave your husband to take care of said kids and you go. You don’t sleep after the wedding (at all) and get right back on a plane so you can get home to put the kids to bed and get back in the classroom the next day. You do it because it’s worth it.   You do it because you stayed in a place with an infinity pool and armadillos.   You do it because you’ve never been to Texas and it’s good to try new things. You get a convertible instead of a Camry. You even pump and dump, because it’s what’s right and it doesn’t even hurt because you are having a blast. You do it because friend

Saying bye to summer with one more magical beach night. After 8 months of beautiful maternity leave, it was time for me to return to work.  Well, it might not have been when I felt it was time, but the school year started, Lucy was starting kindergarten and Jerry gave me a gentle, encouraging nudge... In the weeks leading up, my nerves started to creep up.  I've done this twice already, cared, breastfed, snuggled, pacified and loved a baby until it was time to give them up for a few hours a day while I nurtured other people's kids.  I don't think it's natural and it's really hard - but at least I knew what to expect. Yet, I have three now.  I have the baby I am still breastfeeding and changing and now I also have a "baby" who goes to a new school on a school bus.  Then there's John - my classic middle child who is equal parts rough & tumble and sweet & sensitive. So I've been filled with a lot of "what if's"

A few years ago I heard the phrase "self-care".  In fact, it was a doctor who looked me square in the face and asked me "what do you do for self-care?" I had (no joke) NEVER heard this phrase before.  NEVER.  It must have shown on my face, but she didn't even flinch and went on to ask what I did for myself.  Like without guilt to take care of myself.  I thought for a minute and listed off things like sleeping in once a week, morning showers, taking the long way home from work while listening to murder podcasts (the usual??) These apparently are not things that count as self-care.  (I mean I guess they are a little bit, but she wanted to examples of what I was doing to better my self-worth and happiness).  Even now that school started, I can't think of much -- actually,  sometimes I leave work early and eat my yogurt in my car and listen to my murder podcast for an extra 15 minutes. I find that recently there has even been a push for self-care in the