Guest Post - They Won't Get It, They'll Think I'm an Awful Mom

Guest Post:  Alicia is a friend from high school who is a full-time working mom of one adorable boy, Cooper.  She's also building a make-up empire and blowing up Facebook with wildly entertaining videos and tutorials.  She makes everything look easy, which is why this blog is just that much more important.  Thanks for sharing Alicia.

I was asked to write something MONTHS ago, and I promise, the commitment to put my thoughts on paper has never left my mind.  I’m embarrassed it took me this long.  But to be honest, I couldn’t get myself to write down my story, because if I did, it would somehow make my failures more real.  (Sure, I know we’re always the hardest on ourselves, and I know I’m not a failure, but the thoughts, “could I have done better…can I DO better?” constantly run through my mind.)

Let me step back for a second.  It took my husband and I well over a year to get pregnant with Cooper.  Two heartbreaking miscarriages, low progesterone and a blood-clotting disorder later my rainbow baby “stuck” and the journey began.  I went through pregnancy terrified…TERRIFIED!  So much so that I had to monitor my blood pressure outside of the doctor’s office because as soon as I approached the parking lot my BP would fly OFF the charts.  I tried to enjoy the moments as best as I could, but most of my months were filled with prayers, positive affirmations, and extra doctors’ visits for peace of mind.  I always say labor was the easiest part…everything before and after labor, that’s the HARD stuff (for me, at least)!

Cooper was born, healthy and cute as a button, and I felt SO GRATEFUL! I always thought since it was so hard for me to get pregnant that I’d embrace every sleepless night, every tear that rolled down his cheek, every scream that left his mouth.  I thought, “I got this, how hard can it be?” Woooaahhh baby…it’s HARD! First the anxiety, the overwhelming anxiety!!  Is he OK?  Is he breathing? Is he eating enough? Is he gaining enough weight?  Are we bonding the way we should be? I thought the worrying would get less heavy when I could hold him in my arms, but it just got worse!  Second, Cooper had reflux, which complicated everything even more.  I was consumed with getting him relief, with making him “better.”  I spent hours upon hours researching different options, bringing him to doctors, baby chiropractors, and specialists.  My baby was in pain, and that was unacceptable. I had to fix it!  And third, the lack of sleep.  Or should I say ZERO sleep.  My baby did not nap, he hardly slept.  In fact, there was a small window where he slept from 5pm to 9pm…that was it!  So that meant, I had to sleep from 5pm-9pm, which was the time I was supposed to be with my husband, the time I was supposed to have ME TIME, the time I (a very social person) was supposed to interact with people! It was too much to bare…I was losing my mind, my sanity, MYSELF! 

I didn’t know what to do, I felt like the worst mother…why couldn’t I do this?  Why did I spend my days crying and praying for a different life?  How could I love my son so fiercely, but struggle to the very core of my being, trying to come to terms with my new life?  Something wasn’t right and I had ignored it too long.  My family pleaded with me to talk to someone, because they could see I was disappearing.  I finally went to see a therapist, carrying my heartache, my struggles, and my massive amount of guilt right out on my sleeve, because I couldn’t hide it anymore.  I couldn’t pretend to be OK for one more second.  I was not OK.  After one session it was clear, I had postpartum depression and anxiety.  Something I couldn’t personally control no matter how hard I tried.

Two weeks after getting help I was a NEW woman!  The clouds lifted, the anxiety lightened and I could not only enjoy my life again, I could fully embrace it.  This is what motherhood was supposed to feel like, this is the role I was meant to play, and Cooper was everything I had ever dreamed of.  I could now breathe, laugh, and celebrate.   I could start finding myself again, because I was no longer the same person, but that wasn’t a bad thing anymore.  It was a great thing.

For over a year now I’ve kept my PPD a secret.  I was embarrassed.  I knew talking about my experience would help women, but I still couldn’t bring myself to do it.  What would people think?  They’ll judge me.  They won’t get it. They’ll think I’m an awful mother.  I said nothing.  I helped no one. 

No more. I’m better than that. 

 In comes my journey with Younique, a company that has taught me that it is OK…no, not OK, it’s imperative, that I love myself for who I am!  That I be unapologetically confident.  That I live my life uplifting, empowering, and validating women.  This company and my amazing team embraced me at a time where I had lost myself and what it meant to be Alicia Strong, not just Cooper’s mom.  It gave me the confidence to step (well, more like leap) out of my comfort zone, to build my self-worth, while also helping other women build their own. 

I am forever grateful for my makeup business, for all the women I’ve met and reconnected with.  My life is richer in every way.

From now on, I vow to be unapologetically myself, to be 100 percent genuine and to stop worrying about what others might think.  I will no longer be ashamed of my struggles.  I will embrace them.  I will be a powerful source of positive energy; I will support women, encourage women, and celebrate their successes.  I will be the best wife and mother I can be.  I will run my makeup business with pride and share this opportunity with anyone that will listen, because it’s that important to me.  Because I know it can change someone else’s life like it’s changed mine.  

Whether you need a pep talk, a laugh, a cry, help ordering some makeup, or a new business opportunity, I’m here… and I’d love to help!