Teacher Mommies - The Struggle is Real

-
One part of our lives we haven't dedicated much of this blog to (yet) is the very part that takes up so much of our time, energy and our hearts.  Being teachers and moms is equal parts fulfilling and heart- wrenching.  When people ask me how my kids are, I often ask them which ones - my school kids or the ones I birthed?  It's a legitimate question as I often feel I have 150 kids on any given day.  This means that when my school kids do well on an assignment or give me that warm, satisfying feeling after a good teaching day I feel like a million bucks.  Lucy and John benefit because I am energized.  I feel like a good teacher - a good school mom, certainly then I can be a good home mom.  Yet, when my school kids aren't doing well - the smart girl in the back got in a fight and is suspended, the kid that was doing so well stopped showing up, or as often is the case period 7 WOULD NOT STOP TALKING I feel a little deflated.  Often, I am just disappointed in myself.  This, unfortunately, affects home life too.  I try (damn do I try hard) to hold off my worries and stresses until after bedtime, but I know sometimes it seeps through.

Amy and I are English teachers so there is a lot of grading.  Over the past two years I have learned to accept the burden of my job and just plow through.  I get done what I can in one day and I wake up to a new one.  I have tried to be easier on myself.  Since I do no work when the kids are awake (they deserve all of me when I am here), then sometimes I am up late.  I don't socialize as much as I'd like throughout the day because I am constantly getting things done so that I can leave to be mom when the day is done.  I look at it as a sacrifice - something I am willing to give up in order to be present for my kids with the time I have.

But one thing I can't shake is the toll that teaching (much like many other professions) tugs at my heart.  I try to leave it in room 219, but the fact is it follows me wherever I go.

I have this one student now who I can't stop thinking about.  She is smart, but trouble.  She's mixed in with the wrong crowd and she has this facade: "I'm tough..I've been through a lot..don't even bother."  The problem is, I do want to bother.  She writes beautifully.  She is bright.  She could really go places.  I'd be so proud if Lucy wrote and spoke like her when she is 15 going on 25.

I haven't figured out how to reach her yet, but I will.

Of course I have been thinking about this while caring for my own children today.  I shook myself a few times and said FOCUS, John's climbing on the table (again) and Lucy is using glue and glitter (ahhhhhhh).

#teachemehowtomommy

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Mom...The Potty Flipped Over

-
Image
Just when you think you've got it all together.... Your son comes to tell you that there is poop on the floor.  So even though he's been potty trained for a nearly a year and ASKS for privacy when he goes, there are still mishaps.  Like, well this: He was such an easy kid to potty train...a few skittles here, a few there and BAM, bye bye diapers.  Yet, he has his quirks.  For instance, I am not sure why his own private potty ended up getting flipped over, but I do know that he was in there building a fortress with toilet paper.  It's what he does - I don't know, I tend to think it's creative and not destructive. I think my mistake was loading up the shelf with fresh new rolls (I did that at 7am).  It was all just too exciting for him. And so even though this was the first day in history that both children slept until 8am allowing me to deep clean the bathroom (again at 7am) I was right back at it at 11am. Please remind me of this as I have a full-blow
Read more

Read Number 6.

-
Image
A few years ago I heard the phrase "self-care".  In fact, it was a doctor who looked me square in the face and asked me "what do you do for self-care?" I had (no joke) NEVER heard this phrase before.  NEVER.  It must have shown on my face, but she didn't even flinch and went on to ask what I did for myself.  Like without guilt to take care of myself.  I thought for a minute and listed off things like sleeping in once a week, morning showers, taking the long way home from work while listening to murder podcasts (the usual??) These apparently are not things that count as self-care.  (I mean I guess they are a little bit, but she wanted to examples of what I was doing to better my self-worth and happiness).  Even now that school started, I can't think of much -- actually,  sometimes I leave work early and eat my yogurt in my car and listen to my murder podcast for an extra 15 minutes. I find that recently there has even been a push for self-care in the
Read more

Guest Post - They Won't Get It, They'll Think I'm an Awful Mom

-
Image
Guest Post:  Alicia is a friend from high school who is a full-time working mom of one adorable boy, Cooper.  She's also building a make-up empire and blowing up Facebook with wildly entertaining videos and tutorials.  She makes everything look easy, which is why this blog is just that much more important.  Thanks for sharing Alicia. I was asked to write something MONTHS ago, and I promise, the commitment to put my thoughts on paper has never left my mind.  I’m embarrassed it took me this long.  But to be honest, I couldn’t get myself to write down my story, because if I did, it would somehow make my failures more real.  (Sure, I know we’re always the hardest on ourselves, and I know I’m not a failure, but the thoughts, “could I have done better…can I DO better?” constantly run through my mind.) Let me step back for a second.  It took my husband and I well over a year to get pregnant with Cooper.  Two heartbreaking miscarriages, low progesterone and a blood-clotting diso
Read more