Teacher Mommies - The Struggle is Real

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One part of our lives we haven't dedicated much of this blog to (yet) is the very part that takes up so much of our time, energy and our hearts.  Being teachers and moms is equal parts fulfilling and heart- wrenching.  When people ask me how my kids are, I often ask them which ones - my school kids or the ones I birthed?  It's a legitimate question as I often feel I have 150 kids on any given day.  This means that when my school kids do well on an assignment or give me that warm, satisfying feeling after a good teaching day I feel like a million bucks.  Lucy and John benefit because I am energized.  I feel like a good teacher - a good school mom, certainly then I can be a good home mom.  Yet, when my school kids aren't doing well - the smart girl in the back got in a fight and is suspended, the kid that was doing so well stopped showing up, or as often is the case period 7 WOULD NOT STOP TALKING I feel a little deflated.  Often, I am just disappointed in myself.  This, unfortunately, affects home life too.  I try (damn do I try hard) to hold off my worries and stresses until after bedtime, but I know sometimes it seeps through.

Amy and I are English teachers so there is a lot of grading.  Over the past two years I have learned to accept the burden of my job and just plow through.  I get done what I can in one day and I wake up to a new one.  I have tried to be easier on myself.  Since I do no work when the kids are awake (they deserve all of me when I am here), then sometimes I am up late.  I don't socialize as much as I'd like throughout the day because I am constantly getting things done so that I can leave to be mom when the day is done.  I look at it as a sacrifice - something I am willing to give up in order to be present for my kids with the time I have.

But one thing I can't shake is the toll that teaching (much like many other professions) tugs at my heart.  I try to leave it in room 219, but the fact is it follows me wherever I go.

I have this one student now who I can't stop thinking about.  She is smart, but trouble.  She's mixed in with the wrong crowd and she has this facade: "I'm tough..I've been through a lot..don't even bother."  The problem is, I do want to bother.  She writes beautifully.  She is bright.  She could really go places.  I'd be so proud if Lucy wrote and spoke like her when she is 15 going on 25.

I haven't figured out how to reach her yet, but I will.

Of course I have been thinking about this while caring for my own children today.  I shook myself a few times and said FOCUS, John's climbing on the table (again) and Lucy is using glue and glitter (ahhhhhhh).

#teachemehowtomommy

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