The Better Mother?

Amy wrote a really raw, honest post about her choice (emotionally, financially, contractually) to send Colin to daycare twice a week over the summer.  I bet it was a hard one to write, because she opened herself up to judgement from the moms of the world who judge anyone for anything, but especially judge based on daycare situations.

I don't judge Amy (because she's my best friend), and also over the years I have felt very competitive with people and their daycare situations.  It doesn't feel good. Ultimately, no one wins. Everyone has a different situation and I feel like as a whole we are all just trying to do what's best for our kids and the family as an entire unit.

Jerry and I chose a daycare that does not require parents to keep their kids in daycare over the summer (or vacations) if they are a teacher or have a unique work circumstances.  I know a kid in John's class whose father is a golfer, so in the winter he is home and so is his kid.  This is hard to come by.  We pay handsomely in other ways, so I don't think we ever make out financially, BUT it was important for me to have my kids while I was off.


This does not make me a better mother.  This makes me so scared of my mom guilt that I make life choices just to avoid it. 

I have had a fantastic summer with two very fun kids.  We have done nearly everything on our to-do list and more.  I've proven to myself that if I was a stay-at-home mom I could actually do it.  It would be hard, but enjoyable - it would be a great job for me.

News flash - I am still a working mom and my start-date is creeping up.

I worry that I have set my kids up for failure.  They have had so much of me and I have had so much of them, that I worry the transition back to less of me will be tough.  I have had two nightmares about the drop-off and whenever I think of it during the day I shudder.

I haven't done a good enough job of letting other people take over the "job" for me.  I haven't gone on nearly enough dates with my husband.  I haven't found a babysitter that isn't family.  I haven't done many errands that haven't included a car-carriage and two giddy or cranky toddlers.

I have had a lot of fun and had a lot, a lot, a lot of hugs and kisses.

So, Amy has accepted her brief separation from Colin and I am working on accepting the difficulty of separation from my own.  See, there is no perfect scenario.

I don't regret my daycare decision, much like Amy doesn't regret hers.  We are working moms caring as best we can for our kids (and occasionally ourselves).