"Click" -- Mental Picture.

Wednesday 8/3/16

You guys! I'm the worst.
Twice a week, during the summer, I bring Colin to daycare.
The "rules" tell me this is wrong....that I'm required to feel guilty about this.  I don't. 

When I tell people he's going to daycare, I VERY quickly go into a canned response about how, "it's only for lunch and nap time," "I think it's good for him," "It'll "save his spot for the fall," "It keeps him on a schedule," blah blah blah..... but you know what.... while that's all true,  DO YOU REALLY want to KNOW WHAT... even if it wasn't true, I want to bring him.

I need those few hours!  I look forward to them.

You how I know this... because Colin hasn't been to day care in almost three weeks.

They have been an amazing three weeks.  We had NO schedule, we watched too many hours of Winnie the Pooh and Minions together, we Snapchatted WAYY too much, had too many snacks, we skipped bath time, and we went to Stew Leonard's a lot...

We also had Swimming Lessons, we (ok I did, at 2am, on Amazon Prime) bought an 8 foot pool, we snuggled in bed wayyyy past breakfast, we went to the park in the rain, we left the house at nap time and had a blast, we did play dough and colored about 600000 pictures,  we played in our own backyard at the prime sunshine hours...  It was awesome, and it was EXHAUSTING.

I'm tired.  I'm tired because I have a super hero toddler, a house to clean, a husband to love, and sooo many episodes of RHONY and OC and SHAH's  and The Good Wife to watch at night (I'm in the middle of Season 3 -- we have so much to talk about Lauren!!!!!).  But Colin is tired too... he doesn't laugh as hard at my silly jokes, he doesn't sit as long on the swings, he doesn't want to color the same pictures....  it's like he's looking at me saying -- "yeah Mom, You told me that joke yesterday -- also, I think the ABC's are boring, can we sing "Papa-razzi" again?"

So what I realized these last three weeks was that all those responses I give are true, but most of all, he really does need it as much as I do!  When I dropped him off this morning, it was hard because he cried... but the happiness I saw on his teachers faces was priceless, my heart melted.  They missed him.  He missed them!
But honestly -- he was sobbing, clenching my arms, my legs, flailing -- it was full on drama mode ... so I popped my head in Miss Mel's office on my way out to tell her I was leaving and that Colin was "losing it"... we could hear him crying down the hall.  I knew she would go hug him, and I knew an extra large coffee was in my future (concentrate on the coffee Amy, don't think about your screaming love bug who would NOT be crying if you had just cancelled daycare again this week).

I had parked right outside his classroom window so I could wave goodbye if this exact scenario happened. What I didn't expect was to see an amazing and wonderfully special moment happen. 
Colin was so upset that I was "abandoning him"  but started to calm down when he saw me at the window -- he smiled a tiny little smile and yelled "bye-bye".  I started to turn just as I heard Miss Mel's voice in the room with him, (sigh -- she'll calm him -- I can get in the car) .. I quickly looked back and that's when I saw it... as she approached him, Colin reached out to her -- for her.  In his moment of sadness he wanted her love, her comfort, her support.  I was literally two feet away -- but the barrier of "school" vs "home" was set.
It was such a special moment for me to witness... (I'm literally tearing up as I write this).

He really does NEED to be at daycare.  He knows that he is safe there!  He is learning that it's OK to be sad when Mommy leaves, and that it's OK to get hugs from others to feel better.  I will never forget that moment I saw his little arms reach out for her, and wrap around her neck.  (CLICK -- mental picture)

I NEEDED to see that moment. 

That's all the proof I needed to feel secure in my decision to close my car door and drive away.

We'll see how it goes tomorrow --- but today -- today was special. 

P.S.  As I was driving away I got my favorite text from one of my favorite people.  

               "Do you want to come to the pool today"  

YUPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP -- Mommy needs a tan!  Be there in an hour!

and this is where I spent my day!  Love you Jill!!!