Teach Me How to Mommy

And by that mom I mean me.  Want to know a quick way to tarnish a perfectly magical morning? It's a Monday in October and my school district called a snow day.  Well, it wasn't really a snow day but a loss of power day.  With the exception of freak ice storms, October days off are few and far between.  Even better?  My kids had a two hour delay.  So we got to enjoy a lazy morning off filled with a Halloween show, Halloween crafts and a few heated games of Hungry, Hungry Hippo.  Then, just when they needed something new to keep them occupied it was time to head off to school where they would learn, socialize, play and enjoy pre-k, while I shopped, cleaned and ate while listening to naughty podcasts - out loud! So see gifts like this come but once a year (twice maybe).  I was feeling high on life until I brought my son to his room and saw the other mothers coming in with huge bags of "stuff." Shit. What did I miss? Then I saw their kids all d...

Being pregnant as I approach my mid-thirties has been an experience .  I am not sure if it's age, the fact that this is the third go around or that I have two very busy and nosey toddlers but six months pregnant feels a lot more like 50 months pregnant. The first time around I was 28 and the excitement of having my first was exactly what it should be.  It was all new - the maternity clothes, the doctor's appointments, the shopping and the showers.  This time around: 1.  A very cute, petite and friendly mom approached me at pre-school pick-up.  After introducing myself, Lucy promptly said, "Some moms are really small, but I think I've seen one other mom who is bigger than you Mom."  Only the one?  Thanks girl. 2.  Last week a student stopped the class to say that I had "pen on my leg".  Nope, those are just the varicose veins that third baby has gifted me.  If only a good shower could wash them away... 3.  When people find ...

Yes you read that title right..  I had to travel to Argentina to get some sleep.  Ok, the truth is, my husband had to go on a global business week for school and his course took place in Buenos Aires.  I have wanted to go to Argentina ever since I saw the movie Evita.  You know, the one with Madonna and awesome music.  Anyways, when I found out he was going I quickly said, "I'm coming with you!" And set off to secure the grandparents for babysitting duty.  I can't stress enough how vital this trip was to my sanity and survival.  I have been at a point recently where things have gotten really difficult.  I've been tired, cranky, totally touched out (I'm now the jungle gym to 2 very active little girls), stressed and overall just stretched far beyond my limit.  I haven't slept through the night in almost 4 years (because I did not sleep during either of my pregnancies, and have 2 kids who don't like to sleep either).  Needless ...

Just before my baby turned three years old he made it known that (until January) he is definitely still my baby. Today John turned three.  Three seems old, and at times he really seems it. He doesn't need me to play with him all the time.  I don't need to hold his hand when he's approaching a dangerous activity (he does it without permission anyways).  He even tells me sometimes often that he doesn't want my hugs.  He even (just this week) lost, albeit by accident,  the stuffed animal that he totted around for about 6 months.  "Tiggy" who was captured in every summer picture (including professional) this year, has magically disappeared.  We can't find it and instead of crying about it, John has taken it like a man (or at least a 6 year old).  That's right he is still going to sleep at night and going to school in the morning - all without Tiggy. Yet, he's not off to college either.  He's had three years of being a baby and he's not givi...

I took the kids to a different splash pad last week and within ten minutes of splashing I observed two moms completely losing their shit. Both kids seemed to have pushed their moms' last buttons.  One for failure to apologize, the other for constant near escapes.  Both valid concerns, I too have felt my blood boil for those very reasons. I couldn't help but wonder though, had it been June, if those same moms would have been screeching, "I am so done with this kid" or "I've told you a thousand times and you NEVER listen."  Even if I think those things, I never say them out loud - I'd be too nervous of the judgement that accompanied it.  But these moms - there were no inhibitions - they were at their breaking point. I think, more likely, it's Mid-August Syndrome .  Moms, Dads, caregivers and more have spent the summers entertaining and stimulating their kids.  We've packed and unpacked for the beach, traveled to museums, spent countless, ho...

Just when you think you've got it all together.... Your son comes to tell you that there is poop on the floor.  So even though he's been potty trained for a nearly a year and ASKS for privacy when he goes, there are still mishaps.  Like, well this: He was such an easy kid to potty train...a few skittles here, a few there and BAM, bye bye diapers.  Yet, he has his quirks.  For instance, I am not sure why his own private potty ended up getting flipped over, but I do know that he was in there building a fortress with toilet paper.  It's what he does - I don't know, I tend to think it's creative and not destructive. I think my mistake was loading up the shelf with fresh new rolls (I did that at 7am).  It was all just too exciting for him. And so even though this was the first day in history that both children slept until 8am allowing me to deep clean the bathroom (again at 7am) I was right back at it at 11am. Please remind me of this as I have a ...

Please don't be 3.....    I can't explain the anxiety that comes along with having a child that doesn't sleep well.  I can probably count on one hand the number of times from the age of 0-12 months that we received 5 hours of consecutive sleep.  I used to DREAD making small talk with people when Colin was an infant because the FIRST question a new mom is asked is, "hows the baby sleeping".  I always wanted to look them dead in the eye and scream, Like fucking SHIT.  I never did... I smiled and tried to change the conversation...    Also... when did a baby sleeping through the night at 4 weeks old become a milestone?  Babies are babies!  ughhh.... I digress... .   At 12 months, things started to turn bright.  The beginning of the school year was lovely and Colin learned that Mommy & Daddy NEED a full night's sleep to function as parent's and teachers.  I started to think that maybe ye olden days of sleeples...