Guest Post: Second Baby on the Way

My sister, Laura, has written a few times before.  She is just weeks (perhaps days) away from welcoming my second niece into this world.  I am oozing with excitement, but her recent sentiments have brought me back to the days before I welcomed John into this world.  Those days are riddled with both excitement, fear and dare I say  - doubt.  Anyone who's been through this can relate and those waiting like her well you already know.  Her raw words say it better than I can...

I’m now 3 weeks away from my due date with baby number 2.  The anxiety is starting to really set in.  I’ve been really anxious about things my whole pregnancy because I’m not sure I’m really prepared to have a toddler and a newborn (but who is?!) but now that it’s really getting down to the end, my anxiety is higher. 

When you are trying to prepare for baby number 2, the anxieties are different than the first time around.  I’m prepared for taking care of a newborn and meeting all the needs a little baby has.  I have all the supplies.  I’m not worried about the actual birth since I’ve been through it before.  Now, my worries are focused on the whole family.  How is Quinn going to adjust? How can I make it easier for her?  How am I going to balance my time, attention and energy?  Is it possible to love another baby as much as I love my Quinny?  How will my husband bond with the baby when I’ll need him to pick up the slack with our oldest daughter while I focus on the baby?  What if Quinn ends up resenting the baby? And me? And Steve?   How will we (my husband and I) ever find time for our relationship with 2 kids?   It’s these thoughts and concerns that have been keeping me up at night.

Let's add one more to this mix!

So many people have asked me if Quinn is ready/excited for the baby.  I try to answer honestly but optimistically.  Honestly though, I have no idea.  She is only 2.  She doesn’t really get what is happening.  We talk to her about her baby sister and she gets that baby sister is in mommy’s belly, but how do you prepare a toddler for the insanity that is about to happen.   So, then I feel anxious that I should be doing more to prepare her.  The truth is that I’m not sure I’m read
y.  I’m excited for sure!  I can’t wait to meet my new little girl.  But ready?  No.  I have no idea how to prepare myself.  The only prep I do is worry and not being able to answer my worries.  It’s hard to prepare my daughter when I can’t really prepare myself. How do you prepare for all the unknowns?   If there is one thing I learned the first time around, there is no preparation you can do that can actually prepare you.  You never know what type of baby you are going to get.  You never know what you anticipate  will be really hard for you that you’ll be able to manage without difficulty and what things you think you can manage that become great challenges.

I’ve been really anxious about Quinn’s adjustment.  She is a mama’s girl big time!  She is very attached and often clingy.  She likes to be on top of me ALL the time.  She always wants to sit on mommy’s lap, hold mommy’s hand, and have mommy carry her.   I’ve been working on trying to get her to do certain things more independently, but I also struggle because I know my time with just her is limited, so I want to soak up all those snuggles.  I just really don’t ever want her to feel ignored or like her needs aren’t important.   I want her to have a close relationship with the baby.  I then worry that I’m worrying too much about it and my anxiety is going to give her anxiety about the baby.  (I can’t win!)  Then, the other day I had a moment of sincere joy and hope about the future of my children’s relationship and our families happiness.  I was making lunch and Quinn was keeping herself busy singing songs to herself and playing in the kitchen next to me.  She was signing her favorites, Twinkle Twinkle, ABC’s, Row Row Row your boat… and then, she made up her own song.  “My baby sister, my baby sister, my baby sister is coming.”  I stopped everything I was doing and just listened.  It was the sweetest thing and so unexpected.  It was the first time she talked about baby sister without me bringing it up.  I teared up and she saw me and stopped to make sure I was ok.  And that was the end of it.  But those few moments of listening to her sign about her sister was enough to stop my worrying (for a little while at least).

I’m trying to tell myself that we will all adjust. I’m trying to tell myself that my worry will take away from enjoying my growing my family so I’ve got to relax.   I know that it may be tough and I will definitely have moments of “what was I thinking?”  I’m hopeful that my babies will adjust and build a beautiful friendship in their sisterhood.  I know how important and special having sisters is and can be.  I know I have a village.  My village isn’t close by, but I know I can call on them anytime and they are here for me. And most of all, I know I am capable.

Editor's Note:  Yes you certainly are.  You will do all of this and more - a wonderful journey awaits you!