My Amazon Shopping Cart Can't Fix Everything.

Cute kids-
not so cute sleep avoidance

I know last week was a long week for you.  It was a long week for me too.  I know this because I can't believe Thanksgiving is tomorrow and also, I didn't really have time to reflect on anything that occurred last week until now (and even this is a squeeze).  What's even more exciting and nerve-wracking is that after tomorrow the Christmas spirit will fill the air we breathe.  I can't wait for it all and I'm on pins and needles all the same.  I am wondering how I'll juggle it all -  I know I am bound to screw up somewhere along the way.  I think that's why I got to thinking about what happened to me last week...

I am trying to do a special bulletin board/project in my classroom.  If I ever actually get it done I'll post it - it has potential, but right now it is just under construction (like permanently under construction).  It required a laminator which I don't have and to my knowledge my school doesn't either.  So I reached out to a colleague who is way more crafty, artistic and creative than me.  She had numerous laminators up for loan.  She, unfortunately trusted me with hers, and of course on my first try I busted it.  

There is nothing I hate worse than making stupid mistakes like this.  I went into mild freakout mode. How can I fix this?  How embarrassing... Can the internet help me? No, it can't.  I'm fucked.  

I was in near tears over a broken lamintor.  Yes, it was that kind of week and I am that hard on myself.  So just as I started opening my Amazon shopping cart...one of my favorite students came in to eat lunch with me.  Just when I was about to tell her about my dumb mistake she started telling me about her weekend.  Then about her year, and then about her life.

I knew (or thought I did) a lot about this girl.  This is my second time having her and we have a great rapport.  She's transferred in and out of school, but she always finds her way back in my classroom.  So just as I was about to shed a tear about a broken piece of equipment she shared the story of her father who just came out jail and her autistic brothers.

Thank God I didn't tell her about my damn mistake.  There is not a scale in the universe that could make our problems seem balanced.  Here I am purchasing office equipment on my IPhone, while she is struggling with childcare, parents and violence.  I nearly shrunk in my chair and hid underneath my desk to try rid myself of embarrassment.

See the thing is I can fix a lot of things with Amazon (or money, time and effort), but there are some things that I can't.  I hope to help this student by being there for her, because many times in life no one was.  Yet, she also made me realize how wonderful my life really is.  Sure I break stuff, I make mistakes, I lose my patience (and my shit) and I'm tired.  But I am also warm, loved, safe and fulfilled.

Thanks Lucy!!!

I hope we all find some time after such a chaotic fall to appreciate this "small" stuff, because really, truly it's the stuff that makes all the difference.

Happy Thanksgiving from TeachMeHowtoMommy.